There’s a lot to catch up on…which both on this blog and in my journal I state rather frequently.  I’ve been a lot of places and seen a lot of things.  I sincerely hope that has improved my understanding of things and to some extent the future quality of this little corner of the internet.

So yes, there’s plenty I need to say, but I’m not going to bother telling you right now.  I’m sleepy.  I’ll do it later.

Did you miss the schizophrenic ranting?  I know my English teachers don’t.

…but oh how I did. Talk to you soon.

The Dark Knight

Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Heath Ledger

Andy wanted me to write this, so for all I know he’s the only one who really cares what I have to think. If that’s not true, awesome, thanks for caring about my opinion. If it is, well, then this is a good way for me to figure out exactly what I feel about this fantastic movie.

To begin, I’m of the opinion that you can’t call a movie your “favorite movie ever” right when it comes out. It’s fresh in your mind, overshadowing everything else at that moment. To call a movie “favorite” means that it sticks with you, its individual scenes as well as its overall message. But I’m never one to shy away from hypocrisy, so I’ll go ahead and say that The Dark Knight is my favorite movie ever.

From a purely emotional standpoint The Dark Knight did something to me that hasn’t happened in years: I forgot that I was watching a movie. It sucked me in, completely. By the end my heart was pounding. I was totally immersed in what was happening, I was emotionally involved in the most intimate way. It’s a movie that’s felt, not watched. This description doesn’t due justice to how profoundly I’ve been affected by this film; I just can’t properly express my straight emotional feelings about it.

So forget that, and let’s go more analytical. The problems I have with Dark Knight are few; I’ll go over them at the end. Let’s talk about the good stuff, which is basically everything. What makes TDK so good is what makes any movie good: a well-written script with excellent acting, guided by a competent director. When this triumvirate forms, the potential for a powerful emotional connection with the audience is limitless. And that’s what we’re given in TDK.

The brothers Nolan were unafraid to take what could have been a straightforward blockbuster and instead write a script that was introspecting and action packed all at once. The theme of this film, to me, is: What are your limits? When pushed to the breaking point will you actually break, or will you find the strength to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to do the right thing? The Joker claims he’s aimless, an agent of pure chaos and anarchy. But he does have a skeleton of a plan: trying to break everyone, from Batman down to the average citizen of Gotham. He finds success and failure in surprising places.

The Dark Knight is terrifying without going for the cheesy “shock factor”; it’s suspenseful without being overdramatic; the action sequences are thrilling, but never feel improbable enough to remove you from the experience; and it’s quiet without the calm moments serving as meaningless stopgaps between set pieces. You hear about the roller coaster of emotion. TDK is a real roller coaster, every scene given equal consideration, the troughs just as important as the peaks.

That’s really a credit to Christopher Nolan’s direction. The maker of Memento and The Prestige is obviously no stranger to character drama, and it’s good to see he was willing to have quiet character moments that actually built a dramatic story, instead of making Die Hard with capes. The Dark Knight would have been a much lesser film if it had been nothing but fistfights and car chases strung together by lulls meant, not to give an insight into a character’s intimate thoughts, but to give the audience time to go pee-pee before the next explosion. Not to say that the action sequences in TDK aren’t necessary or spectacular; they are. Almost epic, in fact.

In the end though, Nolan’s willingness to give weight to the character-building scenes would have been nothing without good actors behind the characters. To say there were good actors in Dark Knight would be an understatement. Every role, no matter how small, was played earnestly and with absolute dedication. To begin on this topic, I think all of the returning actors were even better than they were in Batman Begins. Except for Cillian Murphy. Talk about a pointless cameo.

Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine are as solid as expected, and since their characters were given a little more to do, their skills are even more apparent. Gary Oldman is pretty much perfect, as always. Gordon’s role is way more important in TDK, and Gary rises to the occasion, giving a very heroic and poignant performance. His two intertwining speeches at the end of the film are a credit to his acting, as well as the excellent writing.

Christian Bale does a brilliant job of juggling three different characters: the real Bruce Wayne, playboy Bruce Wayne and, of course, the Batman. Bale solidifies his status as best Wayne/Batman ever, and that’s really all I feel the need to say about him.

Now I’ll move on to the big newcomers, starting with Maggie Gyllenhaal. After watching Gyllenhaal in the film and seeing what her character had to do, I view the recasting of Rachel Dawes as something that had to be done. Recasting Katie Holmes allowed for an evolution of Rachel’s character that wouldn’t have been possible if Katie had still been in the roll. There was a strength in Maggie’s Rachel that wasn’t present in Batman Begins; recasting allowed for a bit of a break from the previous characterization that couldn’t have been explained away as “Oh, I gained a spine in between films.” The Rachel that ran away from the Scarecrow in Begins couldn’t have stood there, afraid but in control, while the Joker held a knife in her mouth. Plus I just like Gyllenhaal more.

I don’t know how anyone could call Aaron Eckhart bland in Dark Knight. He convincingly portrays the progression of a man from noble defender of the good, Harvey Dent, to tragically demented Two Face. Watching his startlingly abrupt transitions from rational to enraged is engaging, not boring. While not mind blowing, Eckhart’s performance solidly portrays the near Shakespearean tragedy of Harvey Dent.

Intense. Eerily funny. Anarchic. Frightening. Brilliant. I say to you now that the death of Heath Ledger is the greatest tragedy to hit the motion picture industry in the last several decades. The title of this note references the fact that I wasn’t a fan of Heath Ledger before this. He was just another one of those pretty boy actors to me, not to be taken seriously. His Oscar nomination for Brokeback Mountain didn’t really make me take notice. But when I heard he was cast as the Joker, I latched on to that nomination as a sign that Chris Nolan hadn’t suddenly become an idiot. He hadn’t.

I’m sure there are plenty of superb performances to come over the next five months, so I don’t know if he’ll win, but Heath’s turn as the Joker is definitely worthy of an Oscar nomination. If there was ever a domestic terrorist like Heath’s Joker in the real world, I would be very scared. Watching the Joker gambol across the screen, you really feel like he could do anything. And what he does do is terrifyingly realistic. I join the ranks of people who are shocked that TDK got away with a PG-13 rating. I was really scared at some points, that’s how…. possible the things the Joker was doing were. His little home movies were really frightening. There was also a lot of philosophizing the Joker had to do, which could have come off as pretentious and overbearing. Heath pulled it off brilliantly. He did everything brilliantly. No description can do justice; you won’t be able to comprehend the kind of dedication and bravery Heath Ledger had until you see it for yourself.

So that’s everything I think worked pretty well in The Dark Knight. By comparison, the problems I have seem paltry. And they are. There’s a minor plot hole involving a kidnapping that I feel is a result of ten seconds of footage being left on the cutting room floor, rather than any actual plotting issue. I’ve already mentioned the pointlessness that is Cillian Murphy’s brief appearance. A complaint that’s been raised since Batman Begins is the voice that Christian Bale’s chosen to use as Batman. While I have no problem with the voice itself, towards the end of TDK I felt like there were far too many unnecessary pauses in the middle of sentences. I understand that you would be a little winded after fighting eighty guys, but I think for the sake of the film they could have played that down a bit. And that isn’t really a problem; it’s just me being overly nitpicky.

So there’s what I think about my new favorite movie. Feel free to disagree completely; after all this is only an opinion. And maybe I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about. After all, I am the guy who’s failed to get into film school twice now. I just really love The Dark Knight, and I know that the emotional impact it’s had on me so immediately isn’t going to leave. This is a film I could watch every day and it would never get old.

P.S. Try and make comments as spoiler free as possible for the present. Some people reading may not have seen it yet.

-Sean Novicki

It seems I fall into a cycle.  I work towards my goals, and as time goes by my strength is slowly sapped.  My predisposition for procrastination (say that five times fast) eats away at my resolve, until I reach an “equilibrium”.  At this stage in my life, that equilibrium is at a very slothful state.  My mind may be highly active at these times, but it is most certainly not well fed.  I’ll stay at this equilibrium for quite some time.  In fact, I will stay in this state until stumble upon some sort of profound or moving experience.  Only these sorts of things seem to shoot me right back up where I was before.

The question, then, is how to stay in such a high state; how to “raise the bar” and change my personal definition of equilibrium.  A lot of that involves habit, which I’ve written about in the not-too-distant past.  The issue however is not just breaking bad habits, but creating new ones.  Clearly, I must constantly uplift and enrich both my mind and my spirit.

This is an active state, a “sharpening of the saw” that is very different from what we usually think of as a break from our labors.  Rather than just destress, I need to be building myself up and preparing for the next metaphorical battle.

Building upon talents and reading good books are just a few of the many ways I can change my definition of equilibrium.  When it is changed, it will become easy to be driven, motivated, hard-working, and happy with my life.  I need to redefine my “comfort zone”.

How might anyone go about doing this?  Well, a good place to start is actually the season finale of Avatar.  I’ve never really watched the series that closely, but it ends in a very profound and beautiful way.  While I would recommend at least watching a handful of other episodes to understand what the heck is going on, that’s a good place to start.  It worked for me at least.  Now that I’m motivated, I must act to change my habits and my status quo.  I won’t bother with any recommendations here, there are plenty of sites and books that can tell you how to break habits and others that can show you how to set and achieve goals.

We humans have incredible potential.  We have the power to reshape the world and eveything in it.  We have the power to master the physical and overcome the instinct.  We have no glass ceiling, our possible achievements grow exponentially.  It’s incredible, when you think about it.  And it all can start with one small action, or one realization.  The gates of the fortress are not moved by incredible strength, but by the smallest movement of a lever.

So now, even with this realization, I take one step closer to achieving my dreams.  A small one?  Perhaps.  Only time will tell how successful I am this first time around, but at least I have a plan now.  I have tangible progress markers.  I have a roadmap to making a difference.  I hope I’m not getting repetitive just yet

For the longest time I’ve been pulled back and forth like one of Dr. Doolittle’s Pushmepullyous. I’ll start writing a book, and then stumble upon a new band and get lost in the music, after which I’ll decide to compose music or play some guitar. Halfway through either, I’ll think about the connections between all of us as people or a compelling story, which will prompt me to write a short story or blog. The cycle goes round and round without me really putting enough effort into any of my projects to make it worthwhile or produce decent results. It doesn’t always change as fast as I’ve made it sound, but it’s there. I’ve got what some might call A.D.D., but it’s really just a love of too many things. Remember that kid in grade school who never knew what he wanted to be or always wanted to be something different the next time the teacher asked? Yeah, that’s me.

Fortunately, I’ve had another “eureka” moment. The conclusion is quite obvious, but in all honesty, most “a-ha!” moments are.  So often we can “get” something without really “getting” it until we look at it a different way.  The different paradigm is not explainable in any tongue, it’s not really all that different.  Yet somehow it makes all the difference in the world.  That’s how it was for me.  Stupid?  Perhaps.  Obvious?  Definitely.  Strange?  No, not at all.  Like I mentioned earlier, it’s something we all experience, we all feel at some point.

For Isaac Newton, it was an apple.  For Timone, it was a big rock.  For me, it was a song by Sonata Arctica.

Why not combine the things that I love?  After all, it’s only Common sense, Genius.

So this is it for me. High school is over, adulthood is on the horizon. Everything I have done so far in life has gotten me here, and now it’s over. A chapter of my life is over. In fact, it’s more than a chapter. Part One in a trilogy is over. The fellowship has failed. I must now press on to Mount Doom alone, and without a gardener to help me. Perhaps I’ll find a Gollum to lead me on my way and keep me on my toes. Perhaps I’ll make the trek into Mordor entirely alone. In either case, it’s time.

Many of us, when we reach the stage of transition into adulthood, have some changes we feel we need to make. We know what we need to do in order to make ourselves better, and what better time than now. Only some succeed though. It has been a recent discovery of mine that maturity, as far as mental and emotional development is concerned, ends early in high school if not beforehand. The only thing that can force people to be different from this point on is struggle, and that struggle is not life getting more difficult. Life has the same amount of challenges now as it did in school and as many as it will have in the future. The only difference is the consequences for failing to rise to the occasion. Those who failed in high school felt little recompense, but now will feel the full sting of their payment. I plan to avoid that.

As humorous as it may sound, Wikipedia helped me figure out that I needed to make a change. I somehow stumbled onto a few articles concerning internet addiction and procrastination, and realized just how many of the “symptoms” apply directly to me. I have been lazy and impulsive to a very large degree, and the procrastination article spelled out exactly how I do it. This troubled me, in this time where if I am going to make a difference in life, I need to start now.

Seeing everything spelled out though has helped me to see exactly what I need to do to change. I plan to do it. I plan to break all of my negative habits and build upon my talents, which have been buried for far too long. I hope to do what many cannot, and make these critical changes. I see so many people on the street now being irresponsible and it finally makes sense…I can see what they were like in high school. I can see how many of my peers’ lives are going to progress from here. I can see so many things that I thought kids grew out of that they don’t…that adults do and make up excuses for. There is no great change that comes of hitting a magical age or suddenly living a different life. There is no maturing…at least unforced maturing. I don’t want to do that. I won’t do that.

I will write. I will practice. I will exercise. I will set goals. I will follow my interests. I will make a difference NOW, not later. I will read again. I will not waste time. I will not surf endlessly. I will not keep a bad sleep cycle. I will not keep bad habits.

This has been another terrible installment of random, jumbled thoughts written down not for the benefit of readers and not in an anywhere near acceptable fashion, but because I felt compulsed to write what I was thinking and straighten things out. Quality and professionalism must be sacrificed for the sake of introspection. If I were only going to be professional I would make a secondary blog for that purpose. Somehow, I still don’t think it would be very good though.

During my sophomore year of high school, I was your average teenage kid. Sure, maybe I thought a little bit more than some and yes I tried to hold myself to some sort of moral standard, but that was about it. Responsibility was something to be shunned and dreaming of what I had the potential to do with my life took up most of my time. That and Civilization II and III.

My responsibilities and workload increased exponentially my junior year. I essentially forgot how to have fun, and I stopped socializing. It got so stressful that at one point the only thing I relied on emotionally was my girlfriend…which turned out to be a very bad move and introduced me to whole new levels of pain. I had college-level tests to prepare for, I had practices and performances with the many band groups I was involved with, I had my church responsibilities. I got stuck in a microcosm of the blue-collar rat race much of America is stuck in. At least, however, things were relatively predictable, and the path was clear. I knew what I had to do, I knew how to do it, and it all relied on my own abilities. I know that sounds controlling, but for someone as odd as myself it feels like a necessity.

Senior year things really began to heat up. I was Drum Major of my marching band, which I cared very much about. I put my heart and soul into trying to help that band have a great year and do the very best it could. Unfortunately, I also happened to be a Drum Major for a band director who did not choose me. As hard as I tried and as many times I tried to address the situation, little communication took place, little support was given, and I was left without knowing what was expected of me, what I was allowed to do, and what rules to follow. I failed to be a good leader and I failed to help the band improve.

There was also the college question. Not knowing where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do made life very stressful and difficult. On top of that, AP Calculus has been one of my weakest subjects. I also had to work away at the requirements for Eagle Scout with the deadline of my birthday looming in the distance.

Most of this is done or almost done. Wednesday I sit the AP Calc exam, and so I need to spend every waking moment studying. However, there is also a large project that was just announced as due Thursday, and I will be busy with Scouts most of Wednesday. It’s adversity. The year is almost over, and yet I still have a long ways to go. The home stretch is not easy. Senior year is a lie.

Also, I’ve been trying to get a job for six months now, and I’ve had absolutely no luck. Not one interview. Not even a single returned call. I can’t pay for college. I have enough money to keep me alive on my own for maybe two months. No job, and a miniscule amount of scholarship money. It’s a nightmare. One might wonder why God would put us through this, after we’ve tried so hard to serve him.

I’m sorry if this appears to be whining, I’m trying not to. I’m trying to make a point. I’ve changed a lot since I started having trouble, since things became difficult. I’m a new person, a better person. I accept responsibilities and I have a better work ethic. I’m mature, I can handle pain pretty easily, and I’ve set my priorities straight.

The truth is, adversity is a good thing. God isn’t punishing me, and He isn’t making life so hard just because He feels like it. He’s forging me into a worthy servant. If I have learned by walking through fire, what will stop me afterwards? I’ve learned so much in the past two years, and it probably outstrips the past ten years in life value. There is a point to all of the hurt. There is a point to all of the times bad things happen to good people (although I can’t claim to be a good person).

He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to put our faith in him, to pray like He’s our only hope to pay for college and then work like we expect nothing. I haven’t been rewarded yet. I’m scared out of my wits for the future. The entire rest of my life could hinge on the next few weeks, and there has been no sign of the storm letting up. What if I don’t finish my Eagle? What if I don’t pass my test? What if I can’t pay for college…or a mission? It’s terrifying.

But you know what? I have faith. Things are gonna be okay eventually. Maybe not now, and maybe not for a while, but it will all work out for my best interest. God will not abandon us, it is only us that abandons him, when the skies grow dark. Remember that.

I’ll keep praying, and I’ll keep searching, and I’ll keep applying, and I’ll keep working hard. Eventually, I’ll get the money. Eventually, I’ll get it done. I know it.

http://tannerkrenzvarietyh.blip.tv/#781615 is the site, Counter Culture is the (current) name. If you’re curious as to why my posting has been sparse, you should go check it out. Now that this beast is finally out of the pipes, I ‘spose I have some writing to do, yes?

I know Jesus Christ lives. I know that He suffered and died for us, and tomorrow (according to our calendar) it will have been another year since He was resurrected. Since He broke the chains of death and of this world. He dedicated his life to serving us. To serving you. He gave up all the fun he might have had, the childhood dreams he might have pursued, and the respect he might have had. He gave up money and home. He gave up his life. He sacrificed everything he had and everything He could have obtained for us. I know it. I can feel it resonating within me.

I know he lives and loves us. I know that the events we have commemorated this past week and will commemorate tomorrow are the most important events that have ever happened and will ever happen in the history of this earth. I want to serve Him. I want to emulate Him. I want to do my best to model my life after His. I am not strong enough yet, and in fact I am very weak, but I hope to be strong enough one day. I want to have the strength to sacrifice everything I have to further God’s work. There is no greater calling; there is no greater blessing.

I know he loves us, and that cares about each of us individually. He knows us by name. He wants to help us through all of our trials in life, if only we let Him in. Ask and ye shall receive, knock and ye shall enter. This is all for us. Every aspect of it. They call Charity the Pure Love of Christ because that’s exactly what Christ’s actions were. They were selfless.

As I go about this week, I will try to live worthy of these sacrifices. I will try to make them worthwhile on my part. I don’t want His sacrifice to be wasted on me. I know that God still speaks to us through his prophets, and that through his gospel we can be saved from death and Hell. I know his hand has blessed the gospel in the face of adversity, and has fortified it against Satan in the eternal war of souls. I know that the true church is again on the earth, and that Christ is at it’s head.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Well I talk that way, and I can write this way. You just have to be paying attention.

Kate Chopin, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Henry David Thoreau wrote that way. It’s most unfortunate that by and large, no one seems to really understand what they were writing. They see only what they want to see, and then they rally behind it and use it to trumpet their own cause. People do that a lot.

The English language is a very inexact thing. It can’t quite properly convey what we’re thinking or feeling to others by itself. But those authors who can use common experiences, symbolism, and imagery to craft a true work of art can, if the reader is paying attention, speak as close to universal truth as is possible without the direct aid of God. You just have to listen to what’s being said.

I wish my own weak words could convey what I feel and what I think right now. Some day they might, if all goes well. Alas, I am no warrior-poet. I am no Shakespeare. I am no Chopin. But please, study these unworthy characters of mine. Try to understand.

We all want to be understood in this great search that is humanity. Sometimes we’re looking for the answer. Sometimes we have the answer. But sometimes, we just want the comfort of knowing that somewhere out there…someone else is searching too.

Have you ever stopped to think just how easy it would be to die at any given moment? If you walk into a room, you could slip and hit your head on a coffee table. You could fail to turn off the gas. You could fall down the stairs. You could place your hand under the lawn mower. You could keep that hair drier plugged in while you wash your hands. Have you ever been driving down a highway, and realized that if you turn your hands ever so slightly, you would go barreling headfirst into a semitruck?

What I’m getting at is that there are so many opportunities we have to die. Some rely on carelessness. Some rely on deliberate attempt. However, they’re all there. The only reason we’re alive with all these possiblities is because we choose to avoid these things. We walk that razor’s edge, and we keep our heads down. It seems crazy, but it’s not so hard when you’ve been doing it your whole life.

Today, I realized that greatness is the same way. We’re by-and-large content to stare at our feet as we walk through life. We focus on being “safe” and “secure”, rather than actually doing something with our lives. We smother our talents.

When you really think about it though, all you have to do is turn that wheel a few degrees to the left, and that existence is forever changed. The opportunities to make a difference are all around us, every day. No matter what our circumstances, no matter what our talents, no matter what our obligations, there is always that stairwell, or that hair drier right there in front of you (I realize this sounds morbid, bear with me). You don’t have to be a nobody. Keep in mind however, that greatness doesn’t work like absolute values. Only the positive numbers are useful in life’s equation. Lose sight of the order of operations, and you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot on this exam.

What do you want your Wikipedia article to say?